Sunday, March 6, 2011

Feed A Soul - Starve a Demon (Part 3)

Part 1 can be read here and Part 2 can be read here

“Love shouldn’t hurt, drag you through an emotional roller coaster or leave you feeling like less of a person.” ~ Michelle Hall

Toxic relationships come in all forms. Let's see if you recognize any of these in your lfe: the controlling spouse, the parent or parent-in-law that "means well", the emotional train-wreck boyfriend/girlfriend, the friend who has become Negative Nancy or uses you as their verbal and sometimes literal punching bag to make themselves feel better, or the co-worker that gripes about every single little thing in their world.

You have to ask yourself if these relationships are adding quality to your life or have they become emotional vampires that are sucking the happiness, the contentment and the love from your life.

Ask yourself these questions:

* How do you feel around the person?
* When you are together or when you talk on the phone, do you walk away feeling better or worse?
* When the phone rings do you secretly dread answering it or do you smile when you think about talking to them?
* Are you afraid to show your emotions or tell them how you feel for fear of retaliation or upsetting them to the point that you just don't say anything to "keep the peace"?
* Do you feel solely responsible for that person's happiness?
* Do they blame you for their unhappiness?
* When you are with that person, do you feel content, relaxed, inspired, and confident in who you are? Or do you feel sad, depressed, lonely, angry, nervous and worried?
* Does the person put you down either in private or in front of others?
* Do they say they love you but their every action speaks the opposite?
* Do they do you "favors" and expect you to feel obligated to them?
* Do your friends and/or family like them or are they telling you that the person is harmful?
* Do you change so much about yourself because "he likes it" that you have forgotten what it is that you like?
* Do you feel you have to report your every movement to your partner or can only go where they want to go?

How many of those did you nod your head to or looked embarrassed about because you know it is true?

Do yourself a favor - choose yourself and leave that relationship behind. Choose to surround yourself with positive role models, people who are moving their life forward rather than settling for the status quo, people who inspire you to become the person you want to be rather than point out your every fault or complain about everything in life.

Yes, it will be difficult to do - especially if such a relationship is all that you have ever known. Stepping outside your comfort zone is always difficult but aren't you worth it?

Take steps today. Work to free yourself from those who use intimidation, guilt, shame, seduction and playing the victim to get you to do things their way or for them. Take back the power! Don't let them take away the joy of your days. Be prepared - they will be very unhappy about it. It's ok for them to be unhappy - after all, haven't you been unhappy for awhile? Let the shoe fall on the other foot for a bit and step out into the sun, leaving your emotional vampires behind.


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